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Amy L., California

My first thought is to ask questions and use active listening. What the mom says will likely make clear what you want to say. When appropriate, once a connection between you and mom is established and she feels heard and understood by you, then perhaps share exactly what you said here.

Heidi M., Canada

I wonder if using Neil’s book on Music and the Art of Long Term Relationships in class could help, if you’re not already doing so. I just recently started it with one of my students who had been unmotivated (and her father who is with her) and this has remarkably improved her practice habits. I also do not hear him use so many excuses anymore regarding missed practice times. They are both more responsible in their roles. It only took about 5 weeks to see real change in their situation.

Leanne I., Australia

I agree with Heidi. Use Neil’s book in class with the student. I have a similar student who begged to quit piano twice. Her mother wouldn’t let her. She made a complete turnaround and this week practiced every morning.

I find it is the lack of regular practice that has them forgetting their playlist. My student is in Level 3 and forgot Ode to Joy and Fur Elise this week. When we checked her playlist, we saw that she hadn’t practiced these songs for four months. So we had the conversation again about how long to leave songs  before playing them. This student is also a slow learner. She is now in a shared lesson with another slow learner. We just have to go over things a few times before they get it. Then regular practice to keep it alive.

Jayne J., Wyoming

It might be good to rule out a learning disorder before attributing it to lack of motivation. Does she have the same sort of difficulty in school? I teach a student who has sensory processing disorder. When I took him on, he was in traditional lessons. Over the course of a year, he began struggling to play songs from earlier levels. In talking to his mom, I learned that he started having trouble in school with retaining information that year and was eventually diagnosed with sensory processing disorder. It can pop up around grade school ages and one of the signs is being unable to recall information even if they’ve been taught it multiple times.

This student just started SM a few weeks ago and does really well, although it does take him a while to fit the pieces together. But I know that once he does master something, it is solid. It’s kind of like a short term memory. He’s a highly intelligent kid and picks up on things in the moment, but retaining and later recalling is a struggle.

I suggest speaking to the parents about the possibility of a learning disorder. It can be very discouraging for a child, not knowing why they struggle, and eventually they might stop trying, thinking they are “stupid”. Discovering what is really the problem can be empowering and help them work through it.