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Shanta H., Minnesota

I think many will probably chime in with a similar answer; it may be time to give this family one more chance and then let them go. You can explain the reasons behind why you ask that they don’t move ahead on the videos, but if Mom can’t or won’t get on board it’s only a matter of time. A particular way of phrasing it that has been helpful to me lately:

“I let children continue in piano lessons who use their home materials the way that I ask them to.” (I actually got it from my daughter’s preschool teacher) It’s a positive way to state it and it puts the responsibility where it belongs – At home!

And then you can put on your conditions directly to Mom – “That means if you want to continue in lessons, this week you will only watch the video up to 1.10.2 (or whatever). If you aren’t able to follow my instructions, then as much as I care for you, I can’t be your teacher”. Obviously the other piece is that you MUST MUST be willing to enforce it on the schedule you’ve laid out and let the students go if the family isn’t doing as you ask. Otherwise you lose credibility very quickly.

You know that you can’t promise breakthrough results when students don’t follow the program and I feel that it’s unethical for me to take someone’s money when I know that I won’t succeed in teaching then what I’m promising.

Donny L., Ohio

I would assume your conversations re: going ahead of lessons on the video have already been addressed thoroughly. This is just my humble opinion, when a student assumes you’re turning right, just turn left.  I would take their predictability of my moves out of the equation.  If the student returns to the lesson next week on a song ahead of my instructions, I would derail their attempt to control your universe. I know it’s biologically impossible to control another’s behavior, but I can control the environment in which they learn.

I would fill my studio with projects of improvisation and SM arrangements that I would put them on in an instant. So as soon as they return with a song ahead of schedule, ignore them and tell them that was not a part of your assignment for this week and this is what we are doing today. Stretch it out until you’re ready to teach the next song. Always be prepared with a project not ahead of the core program building blocks, but a project that varies and complements the point at where they are musically or a movement requiring a bit of an unexpected challenge. I diplomatically put Mom in the corner and the child went forward successfully.

Parents more easily could control their homes and supervise their children’s lesson order. I recently suspended a 9 year old boy student for one whole month (I sent their money back to them) because the parents failed to live up to their commitment of daily practice. Some ridiculous sport was taking priority over his piano lessons, that’s an insult. There is tons more Pro Musicians and Teachers out there making a living with a piano than adults kicking a ball all around a field in some sport. (Nothing against sports I like to watch a good game) ( the mind and body thing is cool) I called them when it was time to return to lessons and they did.

There is nothing better than SM or myself in my area. I’m competing against conservatories and piano teachers riding their bicycles up and down the streets going door-to-door for 10 bucks a lesson. Confidence in myself and the program justifies my actions. He is doing markedly better and I raised the tuition fee $10.00 per month, because they came to me on a special introductory rate. That was over when they didn’t hold up their bargain. More often being direct and resolved with determination has paid off for me, sometimes not. I figure I will lose the student anyway if they can’t follow a qualified teacher’s direction. SM is the easiest pathway for them to travel, I make that clear.

Robin T., Tennessee

There are a couple of things that seem to jump out to me in this situation. For one, I would as soon as possible get these students into a group lesson with other children.  Obviously, the family and home dynamic (older brother knows best, younger brother craving attention and acting wild, mother in charge) is consuming the lesson. You might as well be teaching them at their home! So, until you get some other folks in there to stop that dynamic or at list hinder it a bit (another child to “compete” or to show them how to “follow directions”), you will continue to have these issues or lose the students.

Additionally, in a group lesson, I “tease” the students and parents. “Now students, you know that you aren’t supposed to move ahead on the videos… but sometimes our mommy’s just HAVE to look ahead. So, if your mommy looks ahead on the videos, then you just come and let me know. I have a corner RIGHT OVER THERE that they can sit in.”  They all giggle, but the mommy’s get the idea.  And, I have students who come in and whisper, “I think my mommy was looking ahead on the videos!” They love to tell on their mommy’s!

I also have a group that the parents really “struggle” with not taking notes. I always tell them that I buy white out in bulk at SAM’S and I’ve had them sit back there and white out their notes before. And, the other day, I looked and saw them jotting down, and I just grabbed their books and put them up at the front saying, “You won’t need this until after class”.  One mom said, “Well, I have to take notes so that I can help them at home” and I said, “Well, you paid good money for that video and it has all the info you need…. plus, two brains are better than one, so I think that if you pay attention, between the two of you…. you can remember the concepts of this song.”  The child always giggles and agrees…. but the parents get the idea of where this is going and that I’m going to continue to maintain control of the lesson.

I also agree with Donny that you should introduce arrangements. NOW is the perfect time as we come up on the Holidays. You can start introducing some of the easier accompaniment songs and I would even NOT TEACH THEM… just hand them to the students and tell them “I’ll let you utilize your videos to figure these out”. To which the mom will say, “well, these aren’t on the videos” and you simply say, “No, they aren’t…. but the concepts are. You should be able to apply them.”  If she is confused, this is an opening for you to discuss WHY you ask them not to go ahead on the videos, that all the info is NOT on the video (which is why they are paying for lessons), and that you are not just asking them to learn a specific song… but the CONCEPTS. So, by following your instructions and how you lay it out… they would be able to utilize that in their learning (self generating!).

I have also sometimes experienced what you are describing with the siblings in Level 1, until you start introducing the other “streams”. Typically, the older child will do REALLY WELL with the foundational stuff and the younger one will struggle or rely on them to teach it to them (instead of watching the video and learning for themselves). However, once you introduce Accompaniment, the other sibling will often really pick up on that program, while the student who does well in the Foundation Levels will struggle a bit. It has occurred in each and every family that I have… one student does well with the Foundation, the other does well with composing and accompaniment. So, if you can get the younger one to embrace some of the other streams, you will find the dynamic shifting a bit (and his confidence will grow). AND… there’s no video with Accompaniment!