Simpedia

Rebecca N., Utah

I too have lost several students for this same reason, but in my mind it comes down to the parents – that third leg of the stool.  They are the ones that don’t want to be the life coach and work with their child through the valley until it starts to rise again.  Some parents openly admit that they don’t want to make them practice, or pay if they don’t practice, and these comments take me back to my ten years of teaching traditional.

But for some reason the parents then were more willing to keep paying for non practicing students–perhaps it was because they didn’t have to be involved.  There was no personal responsibility. Unfortunately in my studio, I’ve only been given the opportunity to talk to the parents on only two occasions. With the first, I was able to successfully keep them going by helping the mother see what was happening. The other mother communicated only via email and even said that she’d “most likely regret it”–to which I agreed.

The others just dropped the bomb with no warning (the kids showed no signs of disinterest or of being in a valley up until the day I got the “were quitting” email.) I didn’t have a chance to coach the coach through the valley.  I am the musician I am today because my mother kept me going through many valleys. She’s the one that could see the end result of music in my life, as I was not capable of that. That, in my opinion, is the key. Revisiting the relationship conversation and coaching the coach.  With that in mind, I have gone forward after too many losses with more resolve to coach the coach on their role, and hopefully I’ll have better retention in the future. On the flip side I wonder if there could have been a way to gauge parental involvement in the beginning?

Robin Keehn, Washington

This is a recurrent theme and an issue that every teacher confronts (traditional, SM, etc).    I’d like to share some thoughts about how to avoid this from the beginning.

First, when we hold an FIS (SIS) at our studio, we always talk about the commitment that a student and his or her coach is making.  At the end of the FIS, we talk about studio policies and I say the following.

“In order to enroll at Aspire, each student is required to come to every lesson with a coach.  The coach is someone who has direct responsibility for the student on a daily basis and can protect and oversee practice time.   In the lesson, we engage coaches right along with the students–so you can even consider this your opportunity to learn to play the piano, too!

“We require you to come for some very important reasons.  First, we want you to understand what is being taught and the value of what is being taught.  This helps you to support your child at home.   Secondly, learning to play the piano requires a long term relationship.   As much fun as it is, at some point you or your child will experience a valley or plateau.  This is completely normal.  Children are not capable of managing long term relationships–they learn how to do this from their parents.  This is where your direct involvement becomes very important.   If you understand the nature of long term relationships with the peaks and valleys and plateaus, you will be prepared to stick with this and keep your child in lessons so they reach the goal of having music as a lifelong companion.”

Quite honestly, I want to be very upfront about the nature of their commitment from the beginning.   If someone does not enroll after an FIS,  I usually assume that they had not considered what this would actually require of them.  If that is the case, I would prefer that they never start because I only want students who are in it for the long haul.

Moving into the lesson environment, I talk about the nature of long-term relationships every week, without exception.  I use the physical representation of “thumbs up and thumbs down (love it, hate it) and anywhere in between” to give a visual of how students are feeling.  I do this beginning the second week.   I make sure parents are attentive and I make eye contact with them as the students “show me” how they are feeling about piano.  No matter what someone says about how they are feeling or where there thumb is on the meter, I affirm that how they are feeling is completely normal and that it will change next week, next month or sometime.

Parents and students get to watch as each student bounces around on the meter.  They begin to recognize that this is normal and when they or their child gets to the valley or plateau, there isn’t anything wrong with them, the method or the teacher.  The emotional battle centered around this conversation doesn’t need to occur:  “Mom, I want to quit piano.”  Mom, without coaching, would probably say, “Oh sweetheart, what’s WRONG?”  Immediately the language is emotional and something is wrong.

The coached parent will say, “Oh really? Well, you know, Teacher Robin has told us this would happen and I guess you are in a valley right now.  We’ll get through it.  Go work on your playlist.”

I just dealt with this very issue this week.  A student who has been with me for around five years told me last month he felt prepared enough now to do whatever he wants with music and would probably quit after the Christmas Concert, which was Saturday.  This week, his mom approached me and said that he had wanted to quit because he really wasn’t enjoying it in October but he is feeling much better about it now and will stay through June.   I said to her, “It was just the way he was feeling.  It is completely expected, and he’s been here before. He will be here again.  It’s really important that you support his goal of having music as a lifelong companion by holding him accountable and reminding him that this is the nature of being in this long term relationship.”

Because we’ve been talking about this for five years, we have an understanding and common language that helps us talk through the valley or plateau.

My advice is to make sure coaches and students understand what this will require of them.  Talk about this every week.  You can literally spend one or two minutes on it and it will have an impact.

Always affirm where a student is (peak, valley, plateau).  Always remind them that this “place” is normal and temporary.  It is guaranteed to change.

You cannot magically make someone more excited about piano.  I’ve tried.  I will give extra projects and dig through tons of music to find something that I think students would really love to play.  That is all great and I think it helps but really, you cannot motivate students long term with rewards, stickers, candy or even great projects.   They have to work through that valley because of their commitment to having music as a lifelong companion.