Adult Student Claiming Territory
Found in: Adult Students, Claiming Territory
Brianna S., Georgia
A couple weeks ago I wrote an email about the value of accompaniment. I am writing again concerning the same student.
This adult student is a very quick learner. She has not had piano “lessons” before, but she did have violin lessons, and her sister did piano, so she played a little bit of piano by ear. This week was lesson number 6, and we were planning to do Ode to Joy, though we had started hands alone on Bishop the week before.
Because of Thanksgiving, we had taken week off. She came to class this week saying she could not remember the two arrangements that we had worked on (which we had worked on for, I think 3 weeks), so she just went ahead and did Ode to Joy, Amazing Grace, and Fur Elise on her own. And she said they were hard so she used the sheet music.
I am having a hard time getting this student on board with the Simply Music method/philosophy. Whenever I show her something new, she’s just like, “why?”, not in true curiosity, but as in “why in the world would you do that at all, or in this way!?” She doesn’t like accompaniment because she thinks it’s pointless and boring, she doesn’t want to compose, she doesn’t like the arrangements…
I am kind of at the point where I want to say forget it, this isn’t working. I believe she has the ability; I believe that there are many things she could learn from Simply Music; but it’s just whether or not she chooses to trust the method, and do it the way I ask, or not.
I would like some advice on how to communicate this to her clearly, in a way that will help her understand, but not be offensive.
I have tried to tell her that Simply Music is very different from traditional lessons; that we will learn all of the same things just in a different order; to read the curriculum overview; we have worked on Joanne Jones’s Learning Strategies… but apparently I’m not using the right words or something.
Carol P., Michigan
I’ve been in similar situations before. I suppose, given human nature, it’s not too surprising that some of the people, students and parents, come to lessons saying that they hated “the other way” and yet falling back to the “but that’s not what we did before” position. I have gotten through to some of them and others……..not so much. I’ve pointed out that if they keep doing things the same way, they will continue to get the same results, asked them to trust the system and give it time, to judge by the results they are getting (if indeed they can work through the negative attitude long enough to get results). Some of them I’ve been just as happy to let go of. As far as the accompaniment program goes, I’ve admitted that the original 12 chord learning can be a bit of drudgery but after that it gets so cool. I show them lead sheets and play some examples of what they’ll be able to do if they continue with the program. Good Luck with your situation and know that it probably won’t be the last one like it that you’ll find yourself in.
Robin Keehn, Washington
You are in the middle of Claiming Territory with this student. I have had two students exactly in this place in the past couple of weeks. I just had a very direct conversation with one of them this week. She did something very similar to what your student is doing.
I sat next to her on the bench and said, “I understand how anxious you are to learn and how you feel that you need to refer to the music. However, you have hired me as your coach to get you playing the piano. I need to know if you can trust me. I can guarantee your results if we do this exactly my way. If you want to do this your way, I cannot guarantee anything. In fact, I won’t be able to have you as a student. Either way is fine with me, but I need you to tell me now if you are going to commit to doing things that I require you to do or if you would rather not.”
Those words are usually met with a bit of shock. Adults, especially, can really not fathom that I’m telling them it’s my way or the highway. It may take them a couple of minutes to comprehend what I am saying. Typically, the student says, “Of course I want to learn and I will do whatever you ask.” I may say something like, “Great. I won’t ask you to do anything that isn’t in your best interest. I look forward to teaching you.” If they said they couldn’t agree to my terms, I would just thank them for their honesty, wish them well and they would be on their way.
I know for a fact that this can be really hard to do and hard to take, especially when it’s done in a group lesson. I am willing to go there (although it can be uncomfortable) because it gets a result. I’ve had to do this many times over the years and I can tell you that I don’t usually have repeat offenders. If I do, I give them one more chance and then I let them go.
I hope that helps. It may sound rigid but if I don’t set clear boundaries with students, I get tested regularly and I find that much more emotionally exhausting than just speaking the truth and making my requirements perfectly clear.
Sheri R. , California
I sometimes tell students like this that if we were able to look into a crystal ball and see them in a year they would gladly do everything I ask of them now. I tell them that in fact I have many, many students who were just like them, wanting to do it their way, and for the ones that made the decision to trust, their outcome was exactly as I had guaranteed while the others struggled and/or stopped–one hundred percent of the time. You might even ask her about why she is unwilling to follow your lead, and point out that if she can’t trust your expertise then she’s not getting Simply Music lessons and those are the only lessons you teach.
I also tell students how excited I am to be able to share this wonderful program with them but that I am unwilling to do it for those who aren’t able to let go of their agenda, and that I need them to agree and commit to me and the program. I think Neil once gave an analogy of how people who pay a personal trainer to help them lose weight and get in shape will get the results promised if they do the program and not compromise it by eating off the plan or not doing all the repetitions at the gym. For those that don’t, well it’s just a different result. Are you willing for her to have a different result? For me the answer is almost always no, but that is something you’ll have to decide. (Neil also has shared the experience of the lesson where a woman came to class each week and fell asleep and always left saying it was her favorite part of the week!) Usually when people understand that you won’t compromise your principles about the approach they will change their attitude or stop. You can say something like, “I am unwilling to let this keep going in this way. I need you to follow my instructions for me to be able to keep teaching you.” Essentially you will have to be willing to lose her to be strong enough to be honest with her.
By the way, I always take the music books from the students who are readers and give them back after we’ve started to read.
Good luck Brianna. You will no doubt have more students down the road like her and you will develop the ability to create positive outcomes. However, if she decides to stop or you decide to stop teaching her I wouldn’t look at it as a failure. Some people just can’t let go of what they think they need.