Simpedia

Laurie Richards, Nebraska

When Neil was here in Omaha a few years ago, we had a great conversation about parent education. Why do they want their child in this program in the first place? He asked us, “What do you get out of playing the piano?” Some of the responses:

Self-expression
Sense of accomplishment
Impacts quality of life
Fun
Therapeutic
Spiritual/touch your soul
Opportunity to be creative
Opportunity to share
Career opportunity
Camaraderie
Social outlet
Sensory stimulation
Inspiration
My space (not the www variety!)

Neil talked about the importance of communicating the opportunities with students and parents ~ talking about all those reasons above. In fact, he called it critical dialogue. We talked about the parental mindset with regard to piano; parents will not be committed enough if we don’t have this dialogue about how & why music enriches lives. He stressed that this is not an event (i.e. one conversation); it’s a process. We need to weave this into conversations throughout the entire process. Sharing testimonials is part of managing the relationship.

The best example I can think of off the top of my head is from after my accident 1 1/2 years ago. I was in bed for quite some time so couldn’t play the piano. When I graduated to the wheelchair I was looking at my piano and realizing how much I had missed playing. I discovered that the wheelchair was at the right height to roll up to the piano, and I could play from the chair. I felt an instant release of some kind, a peaceful retreat, like being reunited with a close friend. I LOVE to play the piano. I communicated all this to my students.

I think that’s what Neil is talking about – ongoing examples of how music enriches lives. He said not to “plan” a compassionate response, but to look for opportunities to contribute. Parents need to understand the value of lessons. With long-term goals in mind, they will be much more willing to invest what’s necessary in the program now.

Dixie C., Washington

I have better success managing the students rather than the parents. Following is a recent example of what I mean. This isn’t the only way to handle this type of situation, but it’s one way that worked with this particular child.

A frustrated mother asked if I’d talk with her 10-yr.-old daughter about practicing. Her daughter was in L. 4, very busy with Christmas seasonal activities, & decided she hated practicing. After giving this careful thought & prayer, I casually asked (let’s call her Susie) how she was feeling about piano these days & got the predicted thumbs down. I responded with, “Great!” I asked her what it was about piano she didn’t like. She revealed that she liked playing the piano–she was just feeling too overwhelmed to enjoy the practice routine. She, of course, thought I was going to remind her that this wouldn’t last & she had something to look forward to. I said that was true, but not the reason I said “Great!” Instead I told her this was a wonderful opportunity for her to learn about commitment–something that most people don’t understand. We talked then about commitment of parents to care for their children, couples to their marriage, people to their careers, God, health, etc. We talked about what lack of commitment looks like–particularly on the part of parents & in marriages. It made a profound impact on her which she shared with her dad that night. We also went through her play list to try & make her commitment a little less painful. We combined some pieces (like Amazing Grace L. 2 variation w/ L. 1 rhythmic variation), & I let her choose those she can’t stand to practice anymore (there were only two) & told her to just play those once a week.

I also talk with students about taking charge of their learning, being in control of their reaction when it’s time to practice, and sometimes I just sympathize with them, acknowledge how they feel, reflect back to them how hard it is to leave your play when you’re right in the middle of something to go practice the piano for example, and reiterate sympathetically, of course, how learning to play the piano takes commitment that sometimes makes life hard. I find that often the student just needs to be heard & have their feelings acknowledged & appreciated. I think when parents try to manipulate a child’s feelings, i.e. “That piece sounded so cool! Don’t tell me you don’t enjoy playing that piece” it just backfires.

Oh, one thing that has worked in several cases with parents is to remind them to back off on the helpful criticism/suggestions during their child’s practice time. Their job is to get their child to the piano at the practice time–not to teach him, and to give positive feedback. This has been a big help for several of my families. The students in these families are beginning to take more ownership of their learning.

Cindy B., Illinois

One of the ways I’ve changed my presentation of the foundation lesson is to save the relationship conversation for a little bit into the piano lesson experience. I’ve found that it doesn’t really serve any felt need of the new students and their family because they haven’t yet experienced a really bad song-day-week etc. I usually find that they need to hear the full long term relationship conversation when the gloss has worn off and they’ve hit a valley.

In a conversation about practicing in particular, I will talk a little about the school analogy and stress that first – what the student will get out of piano lessons is absolutely more valuable as what they get from going to school, – for a person to excel at anything they must learn to persevere and be committed and music is one of the basic human needs and is worth all of the effort. I might say something like “I know, from being a parent myself, that you want to raise your child to be a successful, contributing member of society. I also know that in order to be that, a person must learn how to navigate this long term relationship.” I will then say that this is the kind of commitment and investment I expect from a student because I am personally committed and invested in seeing that they excel at piano, above and beyond anything they ever hoped for.