Simpedia

Robin T., China

Well then, dont’. Pay him out and don’t waste any more of his mum’s money and your time.

Ian M., Indiana

It sounds like mum doesn’t have any control and the kid knows it. That doesn’t make for a good outlook. I don’t think a contract will help, as the central problem is that no one can tell him what to do.

Susan M., Canada

For me, I had to practice these conversations out loud before the students arrived. I listened to Neil’s audios on Claiming Territory, making notes for myself to remember key phrases. The one thing I had to be sure to do is to get agreement that they understand.

At the next lesson, I’d address the issue from the previous lesson, reassure all is okay (if they’re sensitive;in tears) and explain the roles again. I would tell both parents that I’m okay if they don’t follow the requirements, but that I couldn’t teach him. I would also say that if there are too many projects, I could pare it back, but I can’t accept not doing what I ask. And be prepared to lose him.

Every situation is different, but stay confident. I also have this conversation away from the piano. For me it’s very hard to speak to the parents this way – especially when they’re friends.

Laurie Richards, Nebraska

Great advice, Susan. I did the same. When I was first getting ready to have those conversations I listened to the core conversations for phrases that Neil used that spoke to me and helped me communicate clearly. I crafted the conversation around those phrases – it really helps me remember what I want to say in a nonjudgmental way.

A few examples:

“I really understand where you’re coming from, but it just doesn’t work for me” (personal favorite)

“We can’t achieve the same results this way.” I always add that in my studio I’m only interested in getting the best possible results. That cannot happen if you do not do what I require.

“Are you willing to consider the possibility that your brain is capable of more than you think it is?” This one is my own. I think it makes some parents/adult students really stop and think, and it’s a good one for those who insist they cannot learn arrangements without any support material, for example.

These conversations really do get easier the more you have them, and you will end up with a studio of dedicated students whom you enjoy teaching. It feels good to claim your territory. Not in a ‘victorious’ way, but just in supporting your own high quality of standard for your business.

Joanne D., Australia

Great tips here. The more I think about this boy and his mum, the more I realize as much as I like them, it’s time to let them go. The boy will probably continue this behavior (we’ve been here before) and mum can’t keep boundaries. This year she started home schooling which I thought would be more piano but it’s gone the opposite way.

Deb K., South Dakota

The 7-year-old boys are a challenge. I have three that age from different families. I have developed a sticker system. The parents choose how many stickers are needed for something special. I am the only one who determines if they get a sticker. They challenged me one time and I didn’t give a sticker and asked them to leave the piano. From then on, I have had perfect behavior. I have shortened the practice times and this helped too. I feel short practice is better than no practice. All these boys had given me such grief, wouldn’t put hands on the piano, laying backward on the piano bench, crawling under the piano, telling me
“no” when I asked them to play. It is a 100% turnaround.