Managing Behavior
Found in: Claiming Territory, Shared Lessons, Student Management
Robin K., Washington
During my first day of classes yesterday, one six and a half year old girl refused to participate. She cried, lay on the floor, and was quietly disagreeable! During the lesson, I was so busy working with six other young children that I let Annika and her mom work things out for themselves (feeling that her mom would deal with her).
After class, her mom assured me that Annika really wants to do this and that things would improve. When I returned home last night, I got to thinking about the classroom management issues that Neil tells us to stay on top of. I am thinking that I really handled this incorrectly. In my Kindermusik classes, there are sometimes children who, on the first day of classes, have some adjusting to do. By the second or third week, they have settled in and are participating as expected. I am accustomed to letting children settle in as long as they don’t detract from the rest of the class.
SO…should I have looked little Annika in the eye and told her that I’d love to have her as my student, that she has a lot of potential, but that I need her to cooperate and do as I ask?
Anneka S., Western Australia
My answer is a big resounding YES. However, it’s not too late!
Not only does she need to be looked in the eye, but she needs to be asked why she is behaving like this. If she is not clear in her answers, you can help her by making suggestions about what might be causing her distress (in an inquiring tone of voice; you might well be wrong…)
With a young child, I would have some physical contact with her while talking as well. When you get a feel for why she is feeling like that, I would acknowledge that those feelings are very natural and that many people experience feelings like that. In a group situation, I might check in with other members (kids and parents) and see if they might feel like that a little bit too, or could imagine feeling like that. Only then would I bring out that in class she can’t behave like that, and elicit a commitment to display appropriate behavior. I might model this appropriate behavior (and, for that matter, if you can do it in a respectful way, I might model the inappropriate behavior, so she can see what she’s doing), and I might encourage her to imitate this appropriate behavior. If she improves, I would point out her improvement, and thank her. This can be a powerful experience for everyone in the group to witness. However, you don’t want to spend an inordinate amount of time on it either, or let the energy of it affect the atmosphere in the group. A lighthearted joke like, “I have days when I feel just like that”, and then, back into Simply Music.
I would check in with her at the end of the class. If she didn’t improve, I would give her the benefit of the doubt, and allow her another lesson, in case she was having an out of sorts day, but if it’s ongoing, I would refer her to a private teacher.
In your situation, where this has all happened already, I would ring up today, and speak a little more with the mum. Get a feel for why she thinks this happened, then ask to speak to little Annika. You need to speak to her as well to update her on what she missed out on in the lesson, as she wasn’t paying attention, and to make sure that she knows what the homework is, and that she needs to practice every day. Just before next week’s lesson, I would take Annika aside, get to her level, and remind her of your deal, and let her know with a lot of warmth how confident you are that she’s going to be just great.
Kevin M., California
Firstly, like Neil has said, children become adults by observing adults. From the other children’s perspectives they have observed they can act like they choose and there will be no consequences from the teacher. I would definitely call the mom ASAP, and have a conversation to see how they are doing with their practicing. Then have the discussion on how this situation just isn’t going to work in a group setting, and how you will be handling it in the future. Let her know what your response will be, and ask for her support.
If it happened again, I would have the girl sit in the other room or in the back of the class for a time out. I would tell her you will check in with her in five minutes to see if she is ready to participate in the class. I would keep her mom up at the piano with the rest of the students so she can keep up with the class. After five minutes, ask the girl if she is ready to behave and participate in the class. If not, leave her back there, and at the end of the lesson let her mom know this isn’t going to work. Either arrange private lessons, at a higher cost, or just write her a refund check for the remainder of the lessons. I know it sounds harsh, but believe me, the other kids will see you won’t tolerate that behavior and your group will run much better for all involved if everyone is acting responsibly.
