Non-compliant teenagers
Found in: Claiming Territory, Teen Students
Gabrielle K., Iowa
I’m going to be real. I feel like firing two teenage students that never do what they’re told despite both parent and method coach enforcement every single week. Mom’s committed. We have had the talk for a couple months and I’m on my last rope. Any tips on teenagers?
I also spend extravagant amounts of time dismantling patterns for them and neither of them cares. None of my other 27 students have this problem.
Colleen R., Washington
When I start to dread seeing a student in the studio after having honest conversations with both student and coach, it is a definite bye bye. There are students out there wanting to learn. It was amazingly freeing when I fired a student, and I’ve only done it once. It gives you confidence to bite the bullet sooner next time!
Susan M., Canada
I would let them go too. When I get a student coming back with nothing, I say sincerely, “I promise I’ll never give you something that isn’t worthwhile, but I need a promise that you’ll do it”. The following week I check immediately. For me that was the formula – get the promise, check the following week, say “no problem, it’s a requirement for me and we’ll have to part as friends”.
Robin Keehn, Washington
Find out what they are committed to. Ask if they want to achieve it and if they are coachable–do what you say regardless of if they agree, understand, or find convenient. If the answer is no, just tell them they aren’t ready right now to have you as a coach.
Mark M., New York
If you do decide to fire them, try to get yourself to a place where you feel some peace of mind about the decision and can then communicate it to them with clarity and compassion. As they say about how to bring your attention back from a distraction during meditation: gently but firmly.
Leeanne I., Australia
If they are draining your energy that much, have the conversation Robin suggests and then let them go.
Laurie Richards, Nebraska
A couple of suggestions:
- Download Neil’s book Music and The Art of Long-Term Relationships and start going through it each week in class. Or have the life coach and student read it and then discuss it in class.
- Review the teacher training on Request vs. Requirement – if it’s been going on for a few months, then those are requests, not requirements.
- There’s a great webinar recording on Request vs. Requirement.
FYI – Neil prefers to use the phrase “Request as distinct from Requirement” now. He explains this in the webinar.