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Cheri S., Utah

For some reason I hadn’t considered this for piano, but I have very successfully used silence in many other classroom settings. It works just as described.

[answer author="Marg. G"]

Hi Laurie,

Thanks for this SUPER reminder.

To reinforce this – I run a holiday program and even train my staff to use this type of silence approach for misbehaviour.  Especially the “look away” part and then to actually give attention to those who are behaving.

It is very powerful, and works much better than other approaches. It is often said students misbehave to get attention and they get a whole lot more attention when we react in speech than if we use the silent approach.

Don’t know why I haven’t used this in my regular lessons!!
Why don’t we cross things over from one place to another??

Laurie Richards, Nebraska

AJ,

There are always exceptions, eh? The only way to end the behavior is to make it clear that it will not be allowed to continue. This is how I personally would handle it:

1. Set up a time for a private conversation with the student and parent.

2. Talk about how everyone in his class is paying me to be their piano coach, and I cannot do that very well with the behavior he has been displaying because it causes disruption in the class.

3. Confidently state my requirement that in order for him to continue taking lessons with me, he has to follow my rules. My rules are, no talking or playing the piano while I am talking, no wandering around the room, participating in class when asked, etc.

4. Explain exactly how I will handle any further behavior disruptions.  I use the yellow and red ticket system as it is very quick and effective. But – whatever, it could be you give him a warning after the first behavior issue, then send him home if a second one occurs.  (Don’t allow him to remain in the room with persistent disruptive behavior.)

5. Ask for agreement from both parent and child. Then say, “If your behavior persists after two weeks of trying this, then I cannot continue to teach you. It just doesn’t work for me.”

6. Follow through exactly as described.

You have to be unattached to whether or not the student stays with you. It is not worth the stress it causes to keep a student who refuses to listen.

This might be a difficult thing to do the first time, but it really helps you to have a more effective studio, and it gets easier. Although hopefully you won’t have to practice it regularly!

AJ L.

Thank you, Laurie for your very well structured outline here. I appreciate it and I think it would be the right thing to do, if I can not try any more ideas. But at this point of time, I would still like searching for ideas that can help me connect with this little boy. For this student the matter is that his parents actually switch him from a traditional program/ teacher to me not long ago, hoping that through SM I can help give music to this boy, because they deeply believe that music can do so many great things for their child, and they are fascinated about this non-traditional approach. Their parents actually are aware of the fact that the boy’s behaviour is not acceptable and they are very committed to support me in the class.

I will try and talk with him directly before the next lesson. I actually did that two weeks ago and it seemed worked and he behaved better in that lesson. Last week, he was being very silly in my class, I just ignored him and continued teaching while I was able to have other students attention. At the end, when I dismissed the class, he came straight up to me, said that he wanted to try the music and he did not get his turn yet to try it on. I said, you just missed it because of your behaviour. At that moment, I notice something in his eyes. He looked down, did not argue a word, but the expression on his face and in his eyes, felt like it’s something important to him but he just lost it. He did not seem to like that feeling, but he did not know how to handle it either. I had back-to-back lessons that afternoon, and did not get a chance to talk to him anymore. Hope he would remember when I talk to him this week.

Laurie Richards, Nebraska

Got it. From your first post it sounded like he simply did not want to be there and was unwilling to cooperate.

It could be that he has trouble controlling impulses or that he truly has ADD or something else going on. Does he have the same issues in school or at home? If so, how are they addressing it? If not, then it is likely behavioral only. Get more info from mom.

I would still sit down with him and mom and talk through it. Ask him if he WANTS to learn piano – from your most recent post it sounds like he does, at least sometimes. If he says yes, then you want to help him but he must understand some rules. You absolutely must have his cooperation. Just knowing exactly what is expected in class, as well as how you will specifically handle behavior problems, might make a huge difference for him. If he says no, it will be difficult to get his cooperation and it is up to the mom, if she wants him in lessons, to support your requirements.

If the problem is impulse control (lack of), perhaps some regular reminders would help him. Print a short, simple list of your expectations which address his behaviors. If he is a really visual learner, include pictures. You and the parent can refer to the list before and during class, as a reminder. Go over the list and make sure he understands everything on it.

Set up what he can expect going forward. Example: Mom will go over the list with him right before class to remind him of what is expected. If he acts up during class, you will give him a quick verbal reminder. If it continues, mom will immediately take him aside and remind him again (with the list if that helps). If it happens again, he simply must leave for the day as he cannot learn anything and is disrupting your class.

I’m all for working with families who have a parent dedicated to the process. But it doesn’t work to have a student long-term who is a regular disruption, in a class situation. If it is due to special needs, I would consider a private lesson. If not, “I understand, and it’s completely fine; it just doesn’t work for me”.

AJ L.

LOVED your ideas of visualizing the rules and expectations, Laurie. I will definitely try that. Just talked with the mom today, she was aware of her son’s behaviour went wild since her younger daughter was born, and she defined her son a ‘typical attention seeker’.

Last night I had been to a Triple P (Positive Parenting Program) workshop, and we had learned some strategies in dealing with disobedience. I found those strategies can be applied not only at home, but also in class. I used some of them in my class today, and found it helped. Here are what we had discussed and learned in the workshop.

They said most of time kids misbehaved because,

1. Adults failed to give clear and simple instructions. Kids just did not understand what our expectations were, or sometimes our expectations were just unrealistic and beyond their capability. Laurie, to your point, visualizing the rules and expectations may help here and I will definitely go for it.

2. Kids wanted attention. In such case, we make sure we only give positive attention, do not give any opportunity for negative attention. It works like this, we try and catch every moment when they show good behaviours, immediately we praise them. When praising, we must be specific and clear about what we like about their behaviour. Instead of using ‘good boy’, ‘good job’ these words are too generic, our comments need to be genuine, things like, ‘I like that you come to the piano immediately as I call your name the first time.’ This way we are giving clear direction and encouraging them to understand the kind of behaviours that we like. Whereas generally kids do not get our attention when they behave. We actually tend to ignore their good behaviours as we take the break to focus on something else. Kids often find themselves getting a lot more attention when they are in trouble, so they just find the opportunity to come back in.

3. Use quiet time or time out. Repeat twice if your instruction was to start doing something, but there is no need to repeat a stop instruction. I used this strategy today in class and it worked. When I asked the above-mentioned little boy to stop jogging in the room, he ignored me. I then approached him, talked my instruction through calmly and slowly, ‘Aiden, you have not stopped jogging as I asked you to. I do not like that because your behaviour is distracting my class. Now I need for you to sit aside and be quiet for 2 minutes.’ Then I returned to the group, rolled out a large size presentation paper on the floor, gave each student a marker, and asked them to draw on the paper as listening to the music. Aiden’s voice was in my back, ‘I want to draw on the paper too.’ I turned to him, calmly and slowly said, ‘if you could sit nicely and quietly for 2 minutes, I’ll let you back in.’ He did. I then gave him the chance to do the right thing joining the group drawing. Apparently, he is not trained in drawing, but his product was actually the most creative and expressive amongst the group. Later, as I told the class that I would let a few students to try my new instrument, and I would only give this chance to the ones who could sit nicely. As my words were still flowing in my mouth, I just saw that Aiden sat on his spot like never before with his hands on his lap like a little gentle man. So cute.