Simpedia

Susan M., Canada

Recently, my high school private student said he didn’t “need” the videos and tries to shrug off the importance of doing what I tell him. I told him no one in this area can teach like me and that it’s just possible I’m not the teacher for him. I told him he was a great person and very musical, and that I love teaching him…but I won’t continue when my students are at risk of not getting the results I promise; and refusing to do what I ask is just not going to work. I think he was surprised, and he watched the videos and came back on board. I was very willing to lose him. With another student who didn’t practice (81-year-old), I joked and said “he was putting his music at risk for not practicing!” I guess it depends on the personality and sensitivity of the situation.

I will be addressing another group next week (6-year-olds) for behavior at the lesson. I have also told parents that I’m okay with slower progress, and that I don’t expect perfection, but I can’t continue if they refuse to do the projects as I assign. Parent support came back and has been a good result in this case.

Laurie Richards, Nebraska

Those are such good questions. Regarding ‘occasional normal-life slips’ or life throwing difficult situations at a student, we should be understanding and patient. For a student/parent who is committed to learning piano, these will be anomalies and they will get back on board. Depending on the situation and the person, you may be able to help the student use the piano to cope (e.g. ‘you might find it helps to sit down at the piano and improvise or compose something that expresses how you are feeling’). This is where ‘music as a companion’ comes alive.

As to your last question about “I can’t be your teacher any more” being a ‘win’ for a student – I look at this differently. It’s not about the student getting or not getting what they want, it’s about what you are willing to tolerate in your studio. Also, it’s more about the parent’s attitude than what the student wants. “I can’t be your teacher any more” is directed more to the parent, since she is the life coach. If it’s important that her child has music as a lifelong companion, she will do what is necessary to keep the child in lessons with you based on your requirements. If not, there’s really nothing you can do, and you should let the student go if you don’t want to tolerate him/her not completing your requirements. These realizations have led me to be more selective in the students I enroll.

Listen to Neil’s audio files on Request vs. Requirement if you haven’t recently.

Being firm looks different to different people. I think it’s a good idea to sit down and decide what your bottom lines are regarding your requirements. Write it down. How many times will you allow non-compliance? Plan/write down what you will say if the requirements are not followed once, twice, etc.

It might look/sound like some of these:

“I see you only got to the piano one time this week. What’s up?”, then “Will you get to the piano 5 days this week? Mom, can you make sure this happens? Because I can’t teach you if you don’t do what I ask you to do”.

“I am your method coach, and I am giving you all the best ingredients to go home and learn some amazing things at the piano. But I need the life coach to make sure you are using those ingredients.”

“We cannot proceed without a solid playlist. I think your time would be better spent right now going home, playing through your playlist, and rating all of your songs to see where you stand.” [send them home!]

Plan at what point you will say “I really do understand that I ask more of you (both student and parent) than other teachers might, and that not everyone is able or willing to do all I ask. It’s not a problem; it just doesn’t work for me, so I wish you all the very best; I just can’t be your teacher any longer.”

From a long-term perspective, the best thing you can do to reduce attrition is to stand by your requirements with all of your students. You will produce amazing students, and your studio will grow naturally because of the great word-of-mouth referrals. I do understand that involves perhaps some short-term angst. If you do a big push for new students and start them off strong, you will be on your way.

Laurie Richards, Nebraska

One way to get more comfortable with it would be to implement some of these things with new families that are starting from scratch. I find that if you speak from confidence with no hint of judgment, most people understand where you’re coming from.