Lack of support from non-attending parent
Found in: Coaches, Relationships
Sherrie A., California
Has anyone else dealt with the issue of the second parent, the spouse of the life coach, not being behind lessons fully? They question the method and cost and cause issues at home? If so, how have you addressed this? I’m contemplating making it mandatory for both parents to attend the FIS. I have often wished the parent could listen to some of my training to learn how to talk to people about the method!
Robin Keehn, Washington
I’ve had this situation a number of times. I don’t have any perfect solution. If there is any contention between the parents, it’s very difficult. They both have to agree that this is important and make the commitment to the child and lessons. I agree that getting each parent to the FIS is the best first step (given that you are aware of the situation ahead of time). Having a plan of how to keep each parent informed can work (aware of the homework, playlist, etc). It can be a similar situation if a grandparent signs the child up and then leaves the parents to be the coach.
Stephen R., California
Often I’ll meet both parents and maybe another adult (grandma, aunt) who ends up being the coach at the lessons because the parents work. I’ve seen lots of different situations. It’s great if you get all involved adults at the FIS. I request that from the first adult I talk to. It may not always work.
While everyone’s in the room I may even touch on some of the Foundation session at the end of the FIS: the commitment, practicing, journey, etc.
Once the lessons begin, if I feel the need to reach out to one of the less involved parents, I do. I have done this recently, to make sure they understand their role and how to support piano at home.
Sherrie A., California
It appears to be the financial part that makes the uninvolved adult wonder about it, at least on both situations I’ve encountered. Luckily the involved parent understands and sees first-hand how great it is. It’s just hard for them to articulate it. You would think just seeing their kid play would do the trick, but they don’t seem to recognize the level their kids would be at with traditional lessons. And of course, if they don’t see the value of music or piano in general, any amount of money doesn’t seem worth it. I could send articles, but it’s unlikely they would read them (based on feedback from the spouse).
Laurie Richards, Nebraska
Probably the best solution at this point would be to ask the uninvolved parent if s/he’s willing to meet with you to answer their questions.
Heidi M., Canada
I always urge both parents to attend the FIS if possible and tell them it will help them to both understand and decide together, then they usually both want to come. If they cannot both come, then I will invite the other one to come see me afterward to talk about it. They seem to appreciate the invite. I also try to email both parents about things, especially when I share the link about downloading Neil’s book, as it makes the other parent feel included and more open to believing in the SM method.
Ian B., California
It really comes down to finding a way to communicate with both parents as much as possible.