Misbehavior in Class
Found in: Claiming Territory, Shared Lessons, Student Management
Shelly E., Utah
I have an 8 year old boy who does things like sit in a chair that is not where all the other kids are sitting or he’ll get up when I turn my head and go down the hall way or he won’t watch as I am (or another student) is demonstrating at the piano. He will stand behind his Mom when standing around the piano or when told to watch he’ll close his eyes.
I’ve talked to him about all this (in the way Neil suggests) and he got much better for a while but the last lesson in March he returned right back to his old self. He was doing much, much better these last several weeks and now his Mom has paid for April and so it seems I must deal with him again this month. That in itself wouldn’t be a problem because I could say that, “this will absolutely be his last month if he does not show he will listen and follow what I say 100% of the time”.
The problem is that I’ve noticed the rest of the class starts to slack off and start doing things that he does (to a lesser degree). I know it’s because I’ve allowed it too many times and that’s my personality to just let it go because I don’t want to interrupt the class and draw attention to him. I KNOW that NOW, and I see that I must change my ways and absolutely not tolerate it AT ALL, not even for a minute. So I’m to the point now, to keep control of my class and claim my territory back, that I think I need to just kindly excuse the boy to go home the minute he doesn’t do exactly what I tell him. Of course I know I need to forewarn him and his Mom before class starts that that is what they can expect. And I guess the Mom can call me or another Mom to see what he missed. So my question is….
How would you all handle this? The Mom has already paid for April and I don’t want to refund her money but I feel like she should be able to at least bring him to something she has already paid for. I somehow feel that the Mom needs to get something for her money. Perhaps I could offer a private lessons for the money she has already paid out if the boy gets sent home at the beginning of a lesson. I’m not sure.
So would you handle this by sending him home or would you do something else? I have such great eager little students in the rest of the class and I really don’t want them to have their valuable time wasted because of this boy any more. It also really brings the energy level down when I must draw my attention to him in class. How would you handle the fact that the Mom has already paid?
Cheryl G., Pennsylvania
I don’t think it matters that the mom has already paid. You can make a phone call to her and explain the problems her son is creating for the rest of the class, which she already knows, and what the consequences will be. You could tell her he will be on probation for the month of April. If the boy is disruptive in class and can sit quietly in a corner, so to speak, while the class continues or whether he tries to draw attention to himself to distract the other students, and therefore should be sent home, you will have to decide. This way you would have to tolerate him for the month of April.
On the other hand, I don’t see a problem with refunding the tuition, or part of the tuition, if you don’t want to have him in class anymore. I think it would be a great relief for you and for all the other students.
Debbie V., Oklahoma
I know it sounds tough and it is, but don’t offer private or a make up of any kind or there will really be no punishment. Explain to both that if he starts acting up in class he will be dismissed from class immediately! Then you have to follow through. This should get mom’s attention as she is paying for nothing and will get on him or they will quit. Showing you are serious by making him leave should change the bad attitudes. This will also let the other kids in the class know you are serious, which should bring them back under control. Explain to the others after he leaves that you wouldn’t let him ruin their class, but he is welcome back next week if he can obey. I hope this helps.
Victoria S., California
I agree with Debbie. His tuition is not worth the disruption of the class and the negative feelings that come with it. If the boy wants to learn to play the piano, he will behave. Perhaps he is taking lessons because mom thinks it’s a good idea and he is acting out to rebel. He definitely is an attention seeker.
I would inform both mom and boy just before the class begins that his old behavior is coming back and you will not tolerate it. I would tell them that he is on probation immediately for his return of inappropriate behavior and that he will be dismissed at the first sign of this unacceptable behavior because it is not fair to the other students who are behaving properly and who are there to learn to play the piano.
If you do have to dismiss him, refunding of April tuition has totally to do with how you have written your studio policy and if they have signed it acknowledging they understand and agree to the terms.
If you have to refund the money, it’s just not that big a deal, no matter what is going on with the economy, because the bad energy that is being created in your classroom and the loss of control in claiming territory is far more detrimental to you, each class member, and your future income than that one student’s month of tuition could ever be.
And, watch your self-talk about the whole matter. Personality follows the self-talk, as we all know. Change it from concern about losing tuition to pride about being the leader of your own studio, and you will attract back what you are putting out. I think we all benefit from looking at our thoughts often and weeding out the ones that don’t serve. It’s like claiming territory back from our own negative thoughts.
Mary R., Michigan
I seem to remember Neil saying once that it was essential that we be absolutely willing to lose any student at any time who is unwilling to comply with our teaching requirements. Give the money back. It might be the happiest check you ever write.