New Student Struggling
Found in: Coaches, Practicing & Playlists
Darla H., Kansas
The mother of a 6-yr-old that recently began lessons called me this evening and said that every day at home practice has been a struggle with her child throwing a tantrum or crying every time. When I asked her if it seems to hard for him, she said that he’s able to do fine once he gets to the piano, but every day it’s a struggle to get him there. He is learning Dreams and she says he does the right hand real well now, but doesn’t even want to begin doing the left hand. It’s such a struggle, she’s ready to give up. She said she’ll bring him to lesson tomorrow, but if he doesn’t do better at home, then she’s ready to stop and wait til he’s older. Any suggestions how to handle this situation?
Amber B., Michigan
First, let me share with you that I enjoy the 6-yr-olds most in my studio. I have three in a group lesson and they are having a blast and show no sign of losing their zest for practicing or new learning. Being a newer teacher (since 9-08) I am learning that shared lessons are easier on me and the students. Of course shared lessons are not always possible.
The child is learning and everyday he is closer to both hands. I have started Night Storm before finishing Dreams, many times. Each student will have their first “breakthrough” and you should be able to find it somewhere in Level I. I always come back to Dreams, or any stopped song, at a different time and insist that during the lesson we will try two hands. One parent expressed concern that her daughter will not play both hands at home and I told her the student does play both hands with me. I’m not sure how many lessons you have completed but it sounds very normal to me and probably temporary. Again, I think would be less of an issue for the student and child in a share lesson. Everyone is more accountable in a share lesson.
I have a practice sheet I fill out in the beginning and give stickers (think dollar store) for each square. You play a song or watch the video and you get a sticker for that square. I am looking to see the chart returned full of stickers. In fact, I have given unfilled sheets back to parents and asked them to make up for missed practice before the next lesson.
Cindy B., Illinois
This is a common problem with parents who give their children WAY to much authority. He believes he can throw fits and win, and he’s right. She’s already said she’s ready to quit.
The conversation Neil has shared with us, and I’m sure there’s mention of it somewhere in the transcripts web page, is this. Does your son get to decide whether or not he’s going to school today? Absolutely not! There’s no question in his mind that he does, indeed, have to go to school. Mom has to create an environment where there’s no question about practicing. It’s a law, so to speak. Mom needs you to help her understand that what her son is doing isn’t going to change when he gets older – as long as he keeps winning – she needs to learn how to be the final authority, and make her word stick. I’ve helped some parents do this – and their kid(s) is doing great today. Others have decided that they don’t want to “be mean” or that piano practicing isn’t one of the battles they want to fight.
Laurie Richards, Nebraska
Another part of this conversation that Neil has talked about is asking the parent why they want piano lessons for their child. Do they understand the value of it? If not, they probably will not be willing to make practicing a non-negotiable requirement because they will have the mindset that it’s not worth it.
This is why Neil has talked about communicating the benefits of playing the piano with your students and parents, regularly and consistently. We can start this in the FIS and foundation session. From then on, weave it into conversation whenever the opportunity presents itself. Parents need to really believe in the long-term benefits before they will have the level of commitment they need to stick it out with kids who start “wingheing and whining” (Neil) about practicing. After only a few lessons, that mom is probably not quite there.
One thing I have also noticed, especially with younger kids, is that the very first hands-together experience is more difficult than they expected, and they get frustrated. With them I take a little extra time going v-e-r-y- slowly through BH, sent. 1 only on Dreams. Don’t go on to sent. 2 until they’ve been successful with that. I also talk to both student and parent about how it might seem really challenging right now, but truly once they get the first 2 songs down, putting hands together will get easier and easier, and before too long they will be saying, “I can’t even believe I thought Dreams was HARD!!” I ask them if they are willing to stick it out that long and see if I’m right.
It seems like the brain just has to get past some kind of initial hurdle with playing hands together, and it happens amazingly quickly. Must be some cross-lateral connection or something, that once you start forming that pathway, it becomes less of an effort to even attempt hands together. The brain is so fascinating.
Just a note – I recently lost a young student who was in mid-Level 2 because of extreme resistance to practicing at home for a few months. Mom decided to give it a rest, but interestingly enough wants to continue herself in an adult group. Every situation is different!