Potential Student with Social Anxiety
Found in: Adult Students, Claiming Territory
Marilyn S., Australia
I have a potential adult student who suffers from social anxiety. After attending a FIS she messaged me to tell me of her issue. I had noticed something during the interaction. She also told me that she just wanted to try one lesson. I suggested at least 5 to give her more of an idea. She came back with “I know how the method works. I learned all the major and minor chords in previous lessons and can do some accompaniment. I have also had modern guitar lessons which are taught in a similar way. After the lesson I am willing to chat about a package for further lessons.” I am not sure if I want to go through with her and her one lesson. I know it is possibly the social anxiety talking, but feel that she already is taking control just by what she says in the messages. How do you suggest I approach this situation? Accept the one lesson, and during the lesson tell her that she needs to trust me/ this is a new way of learning (and I had to learn this way after doing traditional for years)? Or something else?
Un Mani, Australia
Wow Marilyn this one sounds like a doozy. I think, but don’t really know, that it’s not about the method but whether she feels safe with you, so I’m inclined to go with her one session and say during it exactly what you mentioned..that if she continues, she needs to trust you and you are the coach etc. etc. All the best.
Cate R., Australia
Maybe take her through the Ode to Joy demo. Some black note improv with calm call and response. Chat about her expectations.
Leeanne I., Australia
What Cate and Unmani said. I would also add that you need to ask her if she is coachable.
Nancy N., New Hampshire
If it was me, I would agree to one month. Although I would have compassion for her social anxiety, I would not be comfortable with the feeling that she’s trying to control how lessons work. If you are okay with a single lesson then lesson “packages”agreed to by the student that’s fine, I would personally stick with the way I do things
Mark M., New York
Totally agreed about this being about safety as opposed to the method. Whether you actually do one or more lessons with her to test the waters, I think the real key may be that she just needs to meet you and spend a little time with you in order to gauge safety. You don’t have to be willing to do this. But if you are, maybe you yourself could pose that, suggesting you meet, talk — not an intro session, not a lesson, just an opportunity for her to get to know you. Of course it’s an opportunity for you to get to know her, too, but I’m not sure it’s worth saying that — it may create more safety for her to know/believe that this is something out of the ordinary that you’re doing, and that you’re doing it for her comfort, where she can ask whatever questions she might have, share whatever concerns she might have, and just get a chance to see how she feels being around you when you’re simply making space for her. If and only if she comes out of that wanting to move ahead, then I think you say, okay, and here’s how we do that, normal policies and all, etc. etc. So at that point you ensure what you need and set the boundary on claiming territory, but just matter-of-factly, center, not with an energy of suspicion/warning, and only after she’s past that initial hurdle of safety and comfort.
Robin Keehn
Hi Marilyn, personally, when I read this I ask myself, would I really want this student? She doesn’t check the boxes (coachable, flexible, eager, excited, agreeable). For me, she would be a no.
Original discussion started October 5, 2022