Student Who Wants to Quit
Found in: Student Retention/Attrition
Darla H., Kansas
I have a 10-year-old boy who has had 70 lessons in a group with 2 others. He is one of my best students as far as practicing the way I tell him to. He does an excellent job of controlling events and learns his songs well. And his partners in the class are also doing well. We’ve had the relationship conversation in class once or twice a month since they started. His mom is very supportive, loves this method and really wants him to continue.
But, he has been wanting to quit for almost a year now. He does have peak times, but even then, I think he isn’t very enthused about continuing much longer. When his mother spoke with me about the situation last summer or maybe fall, I suggested to her that they not let him quit when he was in a valley, and to perhaps give a certain amount of time that he had to do it. She decided to tell him that he had to continue lessons through to the end of 4th grade (this school year). He wants to quit and play trombone next year. But, now she really would like him to continue and do both.
We’re in the middle of Reading Rhythm and she loves it. She wants him to continue learning to read music this way. She is worried about making him end up hating the piano if she forces it more though, and hates the fight that practice times can be.
Do you think if she made it non-negotiable like going to school (as Neil suggests) that it would make a difference? Have any of you come up against something like this and the parent really did keep forcing–did they ever turn around, or did they end up hating piano? I’d like to hear from some of you who have been teaching SM for a number of years, if you’ve experienced anything like this.
Hilary C., Australia
It sounds as though he has kept his part of the bargain – so i really don’t see that his mother has too much wiggle room. She took away the non-negotiable bit when she traded. If she’s so enthused she can keep learning in her own right, and he might be inspired by the new songs she will be playing.
If playing the trombone is his dream – why not? Nothing he has learned will be wasted – his understanding of harmony will be ahead of those who haven’t learned this way and his rhythm will be great.
And if it is not as he expects it to be, he can always come back.
One of my best students (Level 7) left last year able to read, transpose, etc, to concentrate on the cello (which I suggested when she was offered lessons thru school). Admittedly she made the decision based on time management – but i could see it coming as she wasn’t practicing (we had the conversations). Even children need to prioritize and her thinking is to return to piano when she leaves primary school and her cello lessons – but who knows what will happen?
Claire C., Pennsylvania
I’d like to respond by telling about how I handled those times my son wanted to quit piano.
My son who is now grown took piano lessons starting at age 6 1/2 (starting in the Suzuki Method). He wanted to quit any number of times over the years. I insisted that he must take piano lessons until he was in 7th grade. I had no intention of making a professional musician of him but felt that the exposure and having some competency would be enriching for his entire life.
By the time he was in 7th grade, he “owned” the piano and loved to play. He was accompanying the school chorus and other functions. At about that time when he was in 7th grade my husband lost his job, and his piano teacher decided to leave the music school where he took lessons. He didn’t have piano lessons again until just after Junior year of High school when he decided he wanted to major in music in college and we needed to get a teacher who could get him up to speed for auditions.
In this case it didn’t hurt my son’s love of music and I would insist on the requirement again.
Carol P., Michigan
My experience is my own. I learned the “regular” way. I HATED it from age 7 through 14. My mother almost literally sat on me to make me practice. Everything turned around when I got a new (and much better) teacher when I was 14.
Until I found Simply Music, I refused to teach because the experience was so miserable for me. I am so glad that my mother made me keep up with it. Today I make the bulk of my living as a working musician and teacher, not to mention the joy it gives me. After me, my mom was just worn out I think. She let my sister quit and didn’t even make my brother start. I don’t know how my brother feels about it. My sister is still …….I think devastated is not too strong a word to use….about her negative experiences with piano lessons which seriously undermined her self esteem. I wish we could have had Simply Music back then.
I have not had a parent stand up to a kid who wanted to quit yet. My experience so far has been that when the parent and family is really supportive and encouraging the child doesn’t want to quit, so I have not had the situation that you describe. It’s a tough one. Does he have many performance opportunities? That seems to make a difference with some of my students.
Victoria S., California
I had a similar situation with both boys in a shared lesson. One just never wanted to practice, and his mom finally gave up the fight. The other was on again, off again. It was his mom who came to really love the piano, learned all the songs and practiced regularly. I told her the best thing to do would be for her to continue, and if her son wanted to continue, she could either re-enroll him or teach him at home. She is having a blast and her son plays now and again at home, but has not shown a real desire to continue. She is a great student and I enjoy teaching someone with such passion to learn.
Nicole O., California
I’ve had this come up often. What I’ve found is that sometimes it’s the parent that doesn’t have a grasp on his/her own commitments and what it takes to continue doing something you don’t always love, and/or the parent simply doesn’t want to feel like a parent. It’s tricky territory, but definitely a “no nonsense” approach works. It worked for me when I was taking lessons. I never even thought that I could quit if I wanted to. I’m glad I didn’t.
Without going into the “whys” of parents letting their kids do what they want, you can simply assert to the parents that they really do have the final say. If they choose to the let their child make the decision, there’s not much you can do. Personally, I dislike feeling like I’m trying to drag people along. State your case and then let it go.
Darla H., Kansas
Thank you to everyone who responded! I really appreciate hearing many perspectives.
I emailed the Mom to share information with her, some of the stories you all shared, and told her that I was not trying to convince her to make him stay in lessons, just wanted to give her food for thought. Mom emailed back thanking me for the time and energy I’d put into thinking about this. She said that she and her husband had been talking and had already decided to re-commit to piano lessons and that they were going to have their son continue.
She shared that when they began, a year and a half ago, her husband wasn’t too supportive, but went along with it because she wanted it to happen. Now he is in total support of the program, and they’ve decided that this is worth the effort to make this mandatory for their sons. (Their younger son just started in January.)