Simpedia

Kim L.

Many, many bright kids learn early on that things are easy for them. They can usually get by in school quite well without ever learning the discipline of holding to a long-term goal and what to do when knowledge doesn’t come instantly. She hasn’t learned how to study. She calls it “boredom,” but it’s much more complex. Likely a mixture of not knowing what to do, being embarrassed when she isn’t able to instantly do something, and fear. And more.

Kim L.

Mom is clearly not correcting this behavior or being a life coach here. Neil has talked often about how much of what we do as SM teachers is teaching parents! Again, “disliking” is probably a mask for much deeper set of issues.

Kim L.

This sounds indeed a claiming territory issue.  In the Coaching Conversations online, you’ll find a couple conversations about assessing students with prior experience and showing them the breadth of what Simply Music teaches, compared to what the traditional method teaches. The goal here, in level one, is not only to build a relationship directly with the piano, but to “learn to learn” and learn the set of tools that will allow the student to become self-generating. It’s fine to progress more quickly with a bright student, but it’s important that they’re following the process completely, and have an understanding of what it means for them to be coachable. And, also, the goal isn’t just to get to reading music, either.

Mom needs to understand that she needs to be the life coach and fulfill their end of the agreement you made together. It sounds like the challenge they need isn’t more music and more difficult arrangements, it’s to be held accountable for what you’ve already assigned, and the way in which it’s to be done. It’s possible, I’m learning, to be firm and kind, without frustration, and hold people accountable. Not easy. But possible!

I wouldn’t give her any new material if her others aren’t learned well. Instead, tell her you have a challenge you know she can succeed at, which will earn her the reward of new, exciting songs. Tell her you expect the 15 minutes of practice per day, at the agreed time. Using the video as you instruct. Checking off the playlist. Tell her that next week she can teach you the songs and you’ll be the student – but that she has to do it the way you taught her and the way Neil teaches on the video. I’d also throw something in there about a happy, excited attitude. Tell mom that she needs to support her daughter in this, and get out the relationship graph again and talk about peaks and valleys.

I had a claiming territory issue this summer, and after conversations with Neil, had a lot of realizations of what I, as a teacher, was carrying to the table when I taught, and when I was confronted with people trying to claim territory. It’s important that you don’t convey frustration, but simply explain that in order for you to fulfill the promise of terrific results, there has to be agreement about trusting you as the teacher, and the method, even if they don’t understand the “why’s” of the way we do everything. It’s their decision, completely, and it’s fine with you if they decide they don’t want to do things this way, it’s just that you won’t be able to continue lessons.

I’ve learned that I can usually tell almost immediately if people are willing to relax, trust me and the method, and be coachable. If they aren’t, and continue to try and claim territory despite my attention to the issue and clear instruction, the decision is back in my court: accept their ‘modification’ of the method and have an inferior result, or simply and gently end lessons with that student. When I first started teaching SM, I thought I’d be pretty flexible, and it would be too hard to learn to confront these issues. It is hard, but worth it. The difference in teaching a willing, coachable student and one who is forever trying to claim territory is like night and day. Joy versus work.