Simpedia

Carrie L., Michigan

I never force or really even expect kids to be involved in recitals, but I do have low pressure performance opportunities to help students want to get involved.

I call the recitals, Open Mic Nights or Afternoons… and I have them at the local senior center so it’s very low key and simple.

I sometimes have piano parties at my home studio and it’s just kids so it’s a good chance for kids to play for kids and not feel the pressure at all.

I think it’s a great experience for kids to play for others in a performance, but I never require it. I invite and prepare though and I give special metals at the end of the year ‘recital’ to entice a little bit more. The metals are for a celebration of their lessons and not for actually doing the recital, but it’s still something the kids look forward to.

Nicole O., California

I’ve had this situation arise with students and started calling the event something different. “Piano show”, “piano party”, “piano performance” anything, but RECITAL. In preparing students for the performance, I’ve had students at their lesson insist that they simply cannot perform in front of people. I usually say, “No problem. You don’t need to. This is your first time and I get it. I won’t put you in the program and you don’t need to prepare anything, but you do need to come.” At the performance, I’ll talk to the student in the parent’s presence and tell them that if they change their mind, great. If not, it’s no problem. They always change their mind. At the end of the scheduled performance, I’ll announce that “we have a special treat, we get to hear one performance by ___ who did not plan to play anything today, but has decided to share some music with us.”

Cindy B., Illinois

Marcus, in my exp there’s a difference between being nervous, cold sweats, heart pounding nervous, and using nervous as a way of fighting battles with the authorities and winning. Unfortunately, as long as the Mom surrenders when junior does his tizzy, you really can’t do anything about it unless it’s in helping Mom to change for the sake of junior.

It reminds me of a dog who snaps at people. He snaps because he’s nervous or afraid, and the response he’s accustomed to getting from people is that they back off and leave him alone, letting him keep his bone or couch or whatever. Big picture – battle fought and won by dog – dog is in charge.

Jenny S., Australia

I had a student who reacted in a similar way.
We prepared for the concert and I let her know that if she really felt she couldn’t play then that was OK.
The concert began and she fell apart – too nervous to play.
So during Supper I suggested that while everyone was busy eating and chatting that she should give it a go.
She did and played beautifully. Since then, she has performed in every recital and even played a piece she had written herself.
A little patience, persistence and gentle encouragement goes a long way!!

Victoria S., California

Terror over the word ‘recital’ is why I have ‘Piano Parties’ in my home. Food, games, then play. I had the adults come an hour early the last time and that worked out well as they are more afraid of what the kids will think of them than of each other. One adult swore she wouldn’t play and then was the first to go to the piano.

Even when I change venues at some point, I will still refer to them as Piano Parties. At some point I’d like to have a Piano Pizza Party just because the name invokes such fun and what nervous person of any age wouldn’t come just for the pizza?!

I think the secret is to have the braver ones go first. Something magical happens when they see others getting validated for having fun playing the very songs they know they can play. They want in on the action. Once they get started they don’t want to stop.

As for your own nervousness, it will diminish in time. I was a basket case at first. I’m not a total ‘ham’ yet, but I’m sure that will come. I always tell my students that there is not a professional musician in the world who doesn’t make mistakes when they are playing (I try to stay away from the word ‘performance’ also), but they just keep going and no one cares because everyone in the audience really wishes they could be doing what the musicians of any calibre are doing.

Everyone wants to express themselves musically. Some just don’t believe it is ever going to be possible. That’s what’s so great about Simply Music. They get to do it immediately and just keep growing the expression for life.

Here’s an idea. Tell your student you get nervous in front of people unless you are doing a duet. Then invite him to do a duet with you (or another student). At one of my parties I had two students do a duet on the spot who had never played together before just to show the audience and themselves that not only is it possible, but that, in fact, is what well-rounded musicians can do anywhere anytime – play together!!! I let them know they want to play with as many different musicians as they possibly can because they will always have something to learn and something to share. And the whole point is to have fun.
Hope this helps some.

Dixie C., Washington

I prefer not to give “recitals” and never use that “scary” word. However, my students relish (with a few exceptions) playing at a retirement home four times a year. We call it “Music Sharing” and provide music for the residents as they eat their dinner or supper. In answer to your question, I never require a student to participate in these events, and some older ones do opt out. I don’t believe that playing in front of an audience against one’s will is a requirement for learning to play the piano. Often, the more a student is pressured to “perform”, the more he’ll resist.

On the other hand, it is a valuable skill to have. Is there any way your student could be put in a shared lesson? Quite often a student will resist playing for others because of perfectionistic tendencies. The more students experience making mistakes in the presence of others, with no adverse reactions, the easier it will be for them to play in public. Can you throw in a mistake or two when demonstrating a new piece for your student? Say a quick “oops” or whatever (just to let him know you did), and let it go. No big deal. I do this all the time in front of my students (not on purpose) and sometimes will mention that even we teachers have off moments.

The fact that he reacted so strongly leads me to think that he has an intense fear of making mistakes in front of others. I wonder what his parents are like. Was he ever allowed to color out of the lines or color a blue tree or a purple face for example? I’m not saying they’re at fault, just wondering what might be behind this strong of a reaction. Perhaps someone in his circle of family, relatives or friends has played in a recital and had a humiliating experience. You mentioned you get “hellishly nervous in front of people”. Perhaps your own discomfort with performing somehow came through in spite of your best efforts to make it sound appealing.

I think I would let it go for now, and at another time when the event is no longer a looming threat, ask your student some questions to get him talking about his feelings concerning playing for others. I wouldn’t draw any conclusions, at least not out loud. I wouldn’t even hint at him playing at the next recital. If you do invite him to come to the recital you might just say somthing like, “We need some good audience members who know the songs.” At this age, if a child fears something they dread might happen in the future, the anxiety supercedes logic. Sometimes a child just needs to be heard and to have his feelings validated.

Cheryl G., Pennsylvania

i have kids come to my studio a couple of times a year with no parents to play for each other. i call them ‘get-togethers.’ if a new student doesn’t want to play, they are allowed to sit and watch, and to then decide to play if they wish. i have rarely had a student who didn’t decide to play once they see that other kids do not play perfectly. after the experience of playing with no parents, they are not so nervous at family recitals. however, if a student was adament about not playing at a recital, i would not force them.

Unmani, Australia

A couple of things I picked up from my other ‘lives’.

FEAR – is an acronym for ‘Forgetting Everything’s All Right’.

The word ‘nervous’.

My understanding is the physiology of this condition (sweaty palms , butterflies in tummy etc). is the same as what can be described as ‘excitement’.

If my students say they are ‘nervous’ before something – I gently point out that the flip side of nervous is ‘excited’.

Kind of changes the headspace about this a bit.

Lynette M., Louisana

As a child my personal experience was that I wanted to play at the recitals but I became so nervous that I couldn’t play the way I knew how to. Often I would just “black out”, meaning that I could literally not remember the music I had memorized, and when the teacher gave me the sheet music as a back up, I literally could not see it. My fear of the people took over. On one occasion I actually fainted.

I did not get over those terrible fears until years into my adulthood when due to the fact that I quit trying to read the music and learned to just play by chords, it was easier to play. I also didn’t stress about memorizing, as I used the chords/lead sheets to make me feel “safe”. I still fight my fears and anxiety, but I can play in front of people.

I can’t say what this means to your students issues or fears, but I think it helps to be sensitive to how serious it can be, and to not give up on working through it.

Hilary C., Australia

I heard a really interesting interview with Barbara Bonney (US soprano) on the ABC the other day – about fear in performance she said (and I don’t quote) that you do all the hard work, thinking and getting it right in rehearsal and practice and lessons (in our case) and come the performance you leave the thinking behind and go with the moment and emotion of the piece, because if you think at this point you get lost and don’t know where you are. I guess it boils down to a matter of trust in oneself and the work one has done to get the thing together.

Claire C., Pennsylvania

I tell my students when they play in a public performance that when they make a mistake to smile. The bigger the mistake–make a bigger smile. Getting upset just makes the mistake more visible. At the end, the audience will remember your smile and not the mistake. This has helped many students feel more comfortable performing.