Parents Who Don’t Participate
Found in: Claiming Territory, Coaches, Student Management
From Nicole O., CA
In both my shared lessons and private lessons (child student) the parents are present and usually sit and watch. However, this week one mother brought her lap top to use during the class and in another class the parents knew each other and carried on a “hushed” conversation the whole time. Does anyone else have this happen? I find it distracting, but realize they may be bored. How do I manage this? What do I say? Is this a claiming territory issue? It feels that way, but then I wonder if I’m being too strict.
Also, I have two students (siblings) who in the past have been brought to their lessons by their dad. This week, the dad told me that because of his work schedule he may not be able to bring the kids to class and will ask the nanny to bring them. The thing about THIS family is that I used to be their nanny. I’ve known them for quite awhile and know the family dynamic all to well. Dad takes the kids to their activities on the days that he’s with them (the parents are separated) and Mom doesn’t get involved with afterschool stuff (she works full-time). My question is, how do I keep the parents involved with the whole learning process if neither will be present at the lessons? From what the dad said, the nanny is also the one responsible for getting them to the piano on the days that they are with the mom. How should I handle this?
Laurie Richards, Nebraska
As far as parents being otherwise engaged at the lesson, I think it’s a matter of them not being clear on their role in the whole process. I too have this happen consistently, so it’s an area I need to be more vigilant.
The easiest way to solve it is to keep them involved and participating in the lesson. For example:
- When doing finger patterns (or whatever) from their seats, have the parents participate, then have student and parent show each other the pattern.
- Have parents participate in round robins with the students. The kids just love this. They love telling their parents what to do when they need help!
- When doing MORs in the rhythm program, I always have parents clapping and voicing along with the students.
- Have everybody sing along to accompaniment pieces, or any piece for that matter. Even better, have just the parents sing – kids especially dig this, if you can get the parents to do it.
- Have them improvise with Night Storm arr. #1 (finger 3 on C, 5/5), Dreams #1 (thumb on C, 5/5), or Life Song from TFM (any black notes).
Not only will they be better equipped to help their children practice, but they may catch the piano bug and be inspired to learn more.
As for the nanny situation, does one parent have primary custody? I think the main question is, who is with the student the most at practice times? If it’s the nanny, she may need to act as the piano coach. Ideally, she would pass on the information to the parent(s), but practically it may not happen. Also, the nanny won’t be a constant in the child’s life like the parents. Perhaps explain the importance of the life coach to the dad in terms of the piano lessons, and ask what would work best for their family in assuring the student has the amount of support needed to be successful with Simply Music.
I always love these questions, because it reminds me of areas where I can spend some energy improving, and helps me think through steps I can take myself.