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Cindy B., Illinois

From what I know, most children will wage war with the parents in any area they think they have a chance of winning. I’ve talked to parents a lot about this because it’s inevitable that the kids will get tired of piano and want to quit. I’ve had intensive conversations with the parents and children together. The conversation boils down to this:  Your child will battle you on this if he thinks there’s a chance of winning, and you have to know if the battle is worth it. Do you believe that having piano as a companion, having music for the rest of their life, is a worthy goal, worth fighting for?

Most parents just need to be reminded that it’s worth it in the long run, and they sometimes need “permission” to tell their kids that they love them, will never do anything on purpose that’s dangerous or will hurt them, and because of their love will continue to insist on piano lessons.

Nicole O., California

Recently, I had the same situation arise with a student. The mom has been asking for suggestions on how to get her daughter to practice and though she’s tried a few things the long term effect doesn’t seem to stick. Last week she came in saying she thought this would be their last week. I was really at a loss as to what to say because we’ve had the relationship conversation several times, so I asked the other parents in the class what they do to oversee/ensure that their child practices. One dad said that it’s just something his kids do. There isn’t an option not to practice and there isn’t an option to quit. It’s like homework. He said, “Kids these days just think that if they don’t like something they can quit. How will they ever get good at anything if they don’t stick with it?” His words, not mine. The other parent said about her daughter, “I don’t have to ask her to practice. She just goes to the piano. She knows what she needs to do and she does it in about 15 minutes.”

The parent of the child who wants to quit said she’s tried to make it not an option, but it causes a fight between her and her daughter. I turned to the daughter and asked her what was really going on with her practice. After a long pause, she said she just wants to play the songs she likes because all the other stuff takes too long. I asked, “how long is too long?” She didn’t know. I’ve asked that she time herself this week to really see how much time it’s taking to practice. I don’t know if this will help. Perhaps if she sees that practice is only taking 15 or 20 minutes of her time during the day, it won’t seem like that much and she’ll do it without all the drama. Or maybe not… We’ll see. She’s coming tonight.

What helped was getting it all out in the open. When she played a song she had composed that week, the parents and other students were blown away. One mom said, “This is why you can’t quit! You have real talent!” The girl was beaming with pride.

Winnie B., Colorado

One thing I try that sometimes works is to link the practice time to a current activity. My favorite is: get up from the dinner table and go directly to the piano. Or, when they first get up, or right before a favorite TV show, used as a reward. Anything that is clearly linked to another regular activity is a candidate.

By scheduling it that way, there is less opportunity for verbal hassle in either direction. I point out that leaving for school is a standard clock activity which does not often meet resistance and arguing. If practice can be more or less automated, then hassles are reduced.

With that I would conference with the kids, to see if there is some interest you can mobilize. The “after dinner” time can often be an outcome of that conversation, with the kids compliant.