Teens and Claiming Territory
Found in: Claiming Territory, Coaches, Practicing & Playlists, Studio Management, Teen Students
Shanta H., Minnesota
I wanted to share a territory victory, even though it caused me to lose a student. This student was 12 (not quite a teenager, but BOY did she act like one). I told her coming in, as I do with all prospective students of this age, that if she wanted to be my student I needed her total commitment. If her dad was 150% committed, it wouldn’t matter one bit unless she was completely committed as well. As we started out, she absolutely was, and did everything I asked.
As we went along, having regular check ins about how the class was feeling about piano, I started to get the feeling she wasn’t being honest with how she felt about piano any given week. Her answer was always “Awesome!” or the like. Nobody feels that way about piano every single week for 5 months. I’m not really sure what I could have done differently here.
I also found her to be a strange mixture of loud overconfidence and insecurity. She is very bright and wanted everyone to think she was “all that” but was very afraid of performing, of writing lyrics, or anything she didn’t think she was good at. I think somewhere along the way enough people told her she was “smart” that she began to equate hard work with being NOT smart. So if it didn’t come easily her defense was to say she didn’t like it or she couldn’t do it. And to cap it off, she wasn’t honest enough with herself to examine where those feelings were coming from.
Anyway, fast forward to 4 weeks ago. It came out in a lesson that she hadn’t been watching the videos and didn’t think it was necessary (in a flippant tweenager way, of course). Obviously it WAS necessary, or she would have been able to play the song and would have been helped by my hints.
I let her know that watching the videos was required and was imperative for learning all the tools we’re gaining from these songs, and that she needed to watch them. She tried to negotiate, coming up with myriad reasons why she didn’t like them or didn’t need them – also very tweenager-ly. I told her that I was 100% committed to the videos being required, that I love her and I love teaching her. And, while I really wanted to be her coach, I couldn’t if she wasn’t going to watch the video. I told her that if she didn’t watch her video this week, that she should not come back next week. (WOW, that wasn’t easy to say, but it was so empowering!)
I apparently got through, because she told me she would do it and we laid out a plan for tracking and watching the video chapters for the songs she had not been through yet. She agreed to note them on her playlist and watch them, following along with her hands, over the next 5-10 weeks or so.
At the next lesson, it came out that she had watched AHEAD on the video this time (apparently determined to defy me about something, right?). I told her I was thrilled at how committed she had become to the video, and that she should never ever watch ahead ever again—another thing I was 100% committed to.
Over the course of the following week, she decided not to continue with lessons. I wasn’t surprised, and was honestly relieved. Her dad was an absolute gem the entire way and was completely supportive of me.
Teenagers are so hard to crack. I feel like the best I can do is weed out the non-coachable ones. I have 3 teenagers right now who are complete delights, and I’ve had many more than that who have quit.
I just wanted to share my story in hopes that it will help someone else in their quest for a requirement based studio!
Cheri S., Utah
This brings up a couple questions I’d like to put to the whole teacher body. I’m wondering if other teachers (including Shanta) have found that it’s simply never worth it to accept teens who don’t really want piano lessons. (BTW, Shanta, good for you for making your requirements perfectly clear at the outset and then sticking with them.)
A few of my students are here precisely because their moms knew that they either wouldn’t or didn’t thrive in traditional lessons. Sometimes these students don’t really want piano lessons. They’re doing it because their parents want them to, and their moms believe that if anything will work for them, Simply Music will.
It seems like Simply Music often attracts parents who are looking for something different, sometimes because their kids aren’t excited about piano lessons, at least initially. And it seems to me that Simply Music really is their best chance. In a certain sense, it almost feels to me like that’s who we’re especially meant to serve–though I do think it’s the best, most well-rounded, most natural and enjoyable method for anyone.
So I’ve accepted a few teens who don’t really want lessons. Yes, it’s been a struggle. They’ve had more and longer valleys than other students. But so far they’ve stuck with it for a year and a half, we often have a great time together in class, they fulfill their assignments (though sometimes with some arguing at home), and they’ve progressed into Level 4 and Reading Rhythm (and very soon Reading Notes).
I wouldn’t say either of them love piano, but they like some of the songs and they’re learning music, so that one day, when they (I hope) outgrow this notion that piano’s not for them, they’ll have enough tools that having music as a lifelong companion is a real option for them.
Do other teachers (including Shanta) not accept teens who don’t want lessons? Have you found that these students never do find that excitement and commitment? Has anyone seen a reluctant teen really flourish? If you do accept reluctant ones, how do you frame the initial commitment/requirement conversations?
Annette L., Utah
I have two teen age sisters. The older is extremely talented – makes up pieces and songs, on the spot, etc. But she is 17, working, and of course busy with a social life. Yes, her entry into Simply Music was because her parents thought it would “do the trick.” She has stayed with me for 3 years, and we did have a “sit down, re-explain the program” meeting with her and her parents once. Her reason for taking piano lessons was “so I can read music”, so she has been reluctant to put her whole heart into the process. The improvisation program and accompaniment programs have been something she could relate to. She was amazed when we analyzed her compositions and “discovered” that she has been using the I, IV, and V chords in almost every single one! However, as you may guess, keeping the playlist alive is not a strong point with her. She is into reading now, but still can’t read the music she really wants to play – no surprise. I don’t know if she will stick it out very much longer or not.
Am I glad that I took her on? Yes, because she does have some tools that she can use from now on, and it has forced me to be patient, learn more about when and how to compromise, and it reminded me how teens tick! Will she ever find excitement and commitment? I don’t know. But I do know that I have given her all that I could to help her reach that goal.
Her younger sister learns much more slowly, but is taking piano lessons because she wants to. She is 13 now, and starting to find things that are “more fun than practicing”; but still does what is required most of the time. I think she will keep going and growing.
So age is a big factor. Personal desire to learn is a bigger factor. And I would say that teacher patience is also a big factor. So … here’s to the world of Simply Music with teens!